To push my OCD self or not to push, that is the question. At this point, I probably should have it more together, be more readily balanced in decisions… yeah I’m not.
I don’t care what you believe in, or don’t believe in as the case may be. Everyone has a little voice or sensation or something that tells you this decision/person/situation is not a good idea. I think that people have become numb to it in a lot of ways. We live in a society that creates this mindset where pushing every type of boundary is a good idea. That putting limits on one’s self is intellectually taboo. Essentially, you end up being seen as the village idiot to your peers. I’m not saying the world should be black and white, it’s an unreasonable expectation. Having a worldview where anything goes is just as unhealthy. Why are there so many extremes now? Where’s the balance? Why shame people for having clear boundaries?
Say you decide to take a class, and logically it would be the right step in the direction you’re heading in. Then as you delve into it further you come across projects/assignments where anything goes. People can write whatever they want, no matter how dark or triggering. In comes that intuition telling you this might not be a healthy place to stay. Almost like a knee jerk reaction, I tell myself that I’m overthinking, and that it’s needed to become a better -fill in the blank-, or (here’s my favourite) I’m being too sensitive. Got to love the last one, just makes that “sensitive” part want to slap someone…with a chair.
When you’re slightly OCD, and a people pleaser, it’s even harder to walk away from anything. My brain is saying “finished it must be young skywalker”, therefore I ignore the flashing sign indicating this might be not be the best idea. But there’s also the issue with going outside of my own comfort zone. Pushing those boundaries can be a good thing. I tend to be a hermit that wants to limit human interaction as much as possible. So then I need to discern whether or not it’s just me being an uncomfortable recluse or if it’s a boundary that shouldn’t be pushed.
In the end, all that can be done is stop being so inattentive. To not be so preoccupied with everything in life to the point that you can’t get a sense of what to do. The amount of distractions we have in a day have to be contributing to that numbness. Of course not caring about what others think is an obvious solution too, just not so easy to live it.